Conversations about youth mental health are essential, and they are making a tremendous difference in reducing stigma around mental health conditions and treatment. And the voices of young people need to be part of the conversation—in particular, the voices of those who have faced challenges and traveled the path of healing.
We asked our Newport Healthcare alumni, What do you wish adults knew about teen and young adult mental health? Here’s what they shared with us.
1. “It’s okay that we feel the way we do—we won’t break. Just talk to us about it.”
Parents are sometimes afraid to broach difficult topics like anxiety, depression, and suicide, because talking about it might “make it come true.” It’s actually the opposite; avoiding these hard conversations heightens risk and can make existing issues worse. Young people may interpret parents’ silence as disinterest, denial, or a cue to hide their depression to avoid being a burden.
Open, ongoing communication is vital in supporting teens and young adults. Let them know that they are loved, they are resilient, and that you will work together to ensure they get the help they need to heal.
2. “We aren’t faking it or being overdramatic—we are suffering, and we want it to be taken seriously.”
Parents should resist the temptation to write off their child’s extreme emotions or statements as simply teen or young adult drama or mood swings. Don’t jump to conclusions about what’s driving them or assume they’re just trying to push the boundaries you’ve established (although that may be true). Practicing active listening can help young people feel heard and reveal important information about what they’re experiencing.
One alum explained it beautifully: “We experience intense feelings just as much as adults do. Never belittle what a young person is going through, even if it seems ‘small’ to you. No matter what situation they are in, big or small, they deserve guidance and help from adults rather than shame and guilt.” We couldn’t have said it better.
3. “I struggled way before I was a teen, but no one noticed. I wish adults would look for the signs early.”
The adolescent years are often the time when mental health issues come to a head. But research shows that children under age 13, previously considered a low-risk group, have been struggling in increasing numbers. While the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends mental health screening for children 12 and older during doctor’s visits, it is not yet standard practice to screen younger children.
Parents and other caregivers need to be vigilant in observing children’s behaviors and doing regular mental health temperature checks. The more quickly a child is assessed and receives the care they need, the more successful their treatment outcomes are likely to be.
4. “What teens have on their phone really influences why they’re anxious and depressed, so make sure you’re watching what kids are looking at on their phones.”
A robust body of evidence links overuse of social media and video gaming to a wide range of negative mental health impacts, including anxiety, depression, poor well-being, body image issues, and disordered eating. Moreover, research shows that both games and social media triggers the same dopamine-related reactions in the brain as drug use, priming the nervous system for addictive behaviors.
As much as teens may resist it, parents need to be aware of the content they are interacting with, and set limits around how much time they spend on their phones and apps. And don’t take a teen’s posed selfies on their profile as proof that they are doing fine; as one alum shared with us, “I want [adults] to know that even though I look like I’m having the time of my life, I’m struggling a lot.”
5. “We are not ‘troubled’ or ‘lazy.’ We are struggling and we need your help and support.”
Teens and young adults with mental health conditions are not “bad” or “broken.” They are sensitive, emotional individuals who are in pain and deserve understanding and compassion—as well as regular downtime to reset their nervous system. “Sometimes we need a break and a take-it-easy day,” one alum told us.
That need is being acknowledged nationwide: 12 states now allow mental health days in public schools, and three more have proposals pending. Parents, too, need compassion and time for self-care; it’s important to acknowledge that parenting a child with mental health challenges is not easy.
6. “When we sleep all the time, it’s because we don’t know how else to escape.”
A teen or young adult who stays in bed all day during weekends or vacations may be making up for missed sleep, or responding to a natural biological shift or to changes in their circadian rhythms as they age.
ut as this alum pointed out, sleeping all the time can also be a symptom of depression or anxiety. Explore what’s beneath the behavior before criticizing or imposing wake-up times.
7. “When we use substances and self-harm, it’s because we’re trying to forget about everything wrong happening in our heads.”
This poignant statement encapsulates the primary reason why teens and young adults abuse alcohol and drugs or self-injure: to self-medicate emotional pain and distress. Treatment with a mental health professional can help them replace these dangerous coping mechanisms with positive approaches for emotional regulation and self-soothing.
Self-harm and substance abuse can be deadly, so it’s critical for young people who are engaging in these behaviors to receive effective, specialized care as quickly as possible.
8. “We don’t want you to always ‘fix’ it. Sometimes we just want a hug and someone to hold us while we cry, someone we can tell everything to.”
Let’s face it: Life is not easy for today’s young people. And no matter how badly they want to, parents can’t always make everything all right. What they can do is offer unconditional love and acceptance. They can listen well, without judging their child or blaming themselves. And, when necessary, they can help their teen or young adult to take the next steps toward healing.
9. “We know it’s ‘normal’ to struggle when you’re young, but that doesn’t make our hurt less real.”
Here’s one of the top things not to say to a teen or young adult who is suffering: “We all went through it.” Even though you may be trying to help, that statement can leave young people feeling invalidated and dismissed.
As another alum explained, “Everyone goes through something different, so when parents or adults say ‘I know what you’re going through, I was a kid, too,’ that doesn’t help anyone, because no one knows what you’re going through but yourself.”
10. “Mental health recovery isn’t linear, and we need you to be patient with us.”
There will be ups and downs on the path to healing, and accepting and expecting that makes it easier for families to steer through those hills and valleys without losing hope. Hold onto your vision for the future, and trust in your child’s inherent strength and innate joy. In the words of one alum, “No one chooses to struggle with mental health issues, and we are learning to navigate through them the best that we can.”
Are you or your loved one struggling with trauma, anxiety, depression, substance use disorder, or another mental health or co-occurring issue? Contact our Admissions experts today to learn more about our nationwide residential and outpatient programs and our integrated approach to healing.